


Ace up my sleeve

by Kakairuaddictwithapen



Category: Naruto
Genre: Asexual Kakashi, Loving Iruka, M/M, Spoilers, and both Kakashi and Iruka’s backstories, disaster gay Iruka, figuring themselves out, for. Like. The whole series, friends to non- sexual lovers, inner angst, it takes a sec for these idiots to get together, just fluff, struggling kakashi, there’s mentions of cannon deaths, there’s no smut here friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-13 20:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20180482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kakairuaddictwithapen/pseuds/Kakairuaddictwithapen
Summary: Kakashi struggles with his sexual identity.Alternatively,Iruka loves him for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have a weakness for asexual characters. It’s always nice to be able to look at a character and go, “Huh. Same.” So here’s so word vomit all about an insecure, Ace Kakashi.

It was all thanks to Genma.   
Genma who, after going on and on about Raido’s body, and Raido’s cute butt, and the way Raido made Genma feel like lying prone and naked on a bed... Kakashi figured out two things. One, he was gay, and two, he was definitely asexual. So he mused, he was more homoromantic than gay, but that was mostly semantics. He too had noticed Raido, and a few other men, just not in the way Genma was describing. Romance was hard for Kakashi to comprehend, he wanted to love and be loved, but he also had a fierce desire to keep others safe. Having a partner would most likely put them in more danger than they might otherwise experience. He wanted to hold someone’s hand, but who would hold the very hand that he’d put through his teammates chest? Someone to come home to would be nice, but would it be fair to ask that person to wait for weeks and sometimes months on end for Kaksahi to come home? That is, if he came home. 

And then there was the sex thing. It was hard for him to put into words what he felt, as it was more the lack of a feeling. At first he wondered if it was an intimacy issue. He’d had so many walls up for so long, maybe that’s why he couldn’t muster a sexual attraction to anyone.   
But then came one Umino Iruka.   
To Iruka he’d shared secrets. He’d let down his emotional walls, and his mask. He found those warm eyes and tan skin attractive, he could admit that Iruka was handsome, but ever more than that, he was kind. Kaksahi saw more than flesh, he saw a good soul, a sweet and caring person, one to whom fierce loyalty was no stranger. Once they’d gotten over the Chuunin exams fight, they’d become friends. Good friends. Friends who occasionally held lingering gazes and trailing touches when they’d both had a little too much to drink. It brought sparks to his heart and skin, just not his groin.   
And therein was the issue. 

Iruka deserved the world. He cared for the container of his parents killer, he’d been stabbed in the back by a friend. He’d lost his father figure in the Sandaime, and then his brother in Asuma. Through it all, he’d smiled and trusted and loved. Iruka was light. He was color in a dark world. He deserved to be loved, and have his hand held by one that wasn’t covered in blood, he deserved a partner who could keep his bed warm and think his butt was cute. Kakashi wanted to be that for him. He just never would be.


	2. I think your butt is cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once I wrote the phrase “cute butt” I couldn’t get it out of my head. So. That’s fun.

Despite his complicated feelings, Kakashi continued to get dinner and drinks with Iruka. He continued to feel as though he was dying every time Iruka he touched him, however brief and innocent it was.  
It was a Friday night, and Iruka had had a particularly long day at school that morning. It was spring, right on the edge of summer, and the pre genin rascals were ready for both the weekend, and summer break. They had worn on even Iruka’s patience, and by the time Kakashi arrived, he’d already had two cups of saki, and was working on his third.  
Kakashi slid across from him, and crinkled up his visible eye.  
“Long day, Sensei?”  
Iruka grumbled something that might have been, “you have no idea.” As he took another swing of saki.  
“Careful Iruka. You wouldn’t want someone to come onto you in your inebriated state.” Iruka rolled his eyes, but then considered Kakashi carefully. He laid his hand gently across Kakashi’s. “At least I know my knight in shining armor would be there to save me.” Kakashi swallowed around his dry throat, and tried not to make it seem as though he were yanking his hand away from Iruka. Instead he asked, “Share some sake with me, Sensei?” As he desperately tried to drown his inner thoughts of self worthlessness.  
Another bottle of sake and some plum wine later, Kakashi was walking a very drunk Iruka home. Iruka’s body was warm and pliant against Kakashi’s side, and his arm had snaked around Kakashi’s waist. Proper distance be damned, Iruka was clinging to him like a wet shirt. He managed to unlock Iruka’s door, and the other man shuffled inside.He turned, as if surprised that Kakashi hadn’t followed him in. He seemed to realize that Kakashi wasn’t about to follow him, so on formality he offered tea. But his invitation was low, and raspy, and Kakashi had read enough Icha Icha to know that Iruka was offering a lot more than tea tonight. Drunken want had glazed his eyes, and he was looking at Kakashi as though he were starved.  
Kakashi felt sick. He wanted to want Iruka. He wanted to be normal, with a libido that would be going crazy at the sultry look Iruka was giving him. He wanted to love Iruka in every sense of the word, and he just couldn’t. About to turn and flee, Iruka muttered something Kakashi didn’t catch. “Come again?” Iruka blushed, and repeated himself. “I said you have a cute butt, Kakashi.” And at that, Kakashi body flickered away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does saki look wrong to me? Did I spell it wrong? Help me.  
Shoutout to gingerlinrarian for helping me correctly spell sakE. You are seen, valid, and appreciated.


	3. Knock on my door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

Kakashi slept lightly, and fitfully. By four am he’d given up on going back to sleep, and had settled at the kotatsu with a cup of coffee and Icha Icha Paradise. He’d just gotten comfortable when there was a knock on his door. Kakashi reached out with his chakra to see who it was, he didn’t want to unsettle himself for just anybody. 

He was a genius. He should have known who was at his door.   
Another knock came, and with it, a voice. 

“Kakashi, I know you’re in there, and I hope you can hear me. I just wanted to say how sorry I am for last night. I would blame it on the alcohol, but...”   
Kakashi flung open the door. “I crossed a line.” He finished, not meeting Kakashi’s gaze. “That’s all. I know it’s early, but I felt so bad. Couldn’t sleep. I’ll go now.” And he turned to leave. Kakashi reached out, and gently grabbed his wrist, pulling him inside.   
“I’ve got fresh coffee on, come have a cup.” Iruka blushed and looked like he was going to try to argue. Kakashi gave him a hard look, and Iruka relented, and let himself get tugged inside. 

It wasn’t the first time Iruka had been in Kakashi’s apartment, but it felt different this time. The air was thick, and Kakashi escaped the intensity by fleeing to the kitchen to get Iruka some coffee. What he didn’t expect was for Iruka to follow him, his footfalls so light Kakashi almost didn’t notice. He turned, and held out the mug. It was lightened with just a touch of milk, and sprinkled on top with cinnamon. 

Iruka looked at Kakashi for a long moment. “Just how I like it.” He remarked.   
Kakashi shrugged. “I know you.” Iruka took a long drink before he responded. “But you didn’t know I was gay.” He stated it like a fact, but there was a question in his eyes. Kakashi started. 

“What? Of course I know you’re gay. You dated Mizuki before...”   
“ Before he literally stabbed me in the back?” Iruka remarked wryly. “Yes.” His voice grew soft. “Then why? Because you didn’t expect a friend to come on to you? You reacted so violently, I was sure I had done something wrong” Iruka had never been one who was able to hide his emotions, and his voice broke. “I was hoping I had just caught you by surprise with my identity”   
Kakashi took a step towards him. He gingerly, cautiously, held out his hand. Without a second thought, Iruka took it. 

“I like you. A lot actually.” Iruka looked at him in wonder, mouth open, about to speak, when Kakashi held up his hand. “Forgive me Sensei, if I don’t get this out now, I may never.” Iruka snapped his mouth shut and nodded.   
“I like your heart. I like your goodness, your gentleness. I also like that you aren’t afraid to tell it like it is, and that you stand by the people you love. I like all of you. Well. Most of all of you.” He took a deep breath, and Iruka squeezes his hand, although confusion hung in his eyes. 

“I’m asexual Iruka. And no matter how much I love you, no matter how deeply, I don’t think I will ever want a physical relationship with you.” Iruka’s eyes widened, and softened. “It’s nit that I don’t think your handsome, I think you are,” Kakashi rushed, “I just don’t want to sleep with you. I don’t want to sleep with anyone. I’m sorry.” 

Iruka reached ups his hand, stopping just shy of touching Kakashi’s cheek. “Is it ok if I touch you?” Kakashi nodded his assent, and Iruka palmed his cheek. “Why are you sorry? Don’t be sorry. Thank you. For telling me.” Kakashi places his hand over Iruka’s, and took a step closer. “You deserve it all Iruka. You deserve a man who’ll think your sex on legs, who’ll worship you body and soul. I can’t be that for you. I can’t love you like you deserve.”   
Iruka let out a little snort. “You’re ridiculous. Thank you, it’s very sweet that you think that of me, but I assure you, I’m fine with you, the way you are. I love you for you, Kakashi, the soul inside that body.” He paused for a moment. “You do have a very nice body though. We can figure out the physical stuff together. And if you decide you don’t want any part of that, that’s ok too. You deserve love, Kakashi, in any and every form you’re comfortable with.” 

Kakashi tried to speak, but found no words. Instead, he just moved his hand, lacing his fingers through with Iruka’s. He lowered them down, and with his other hand, pulled down his mask. Slowly, as if Iruka were a wild thing that would run away, he brought his face down, slanting his lips towards Iruka’s. 

Iruka returned the kiss with gentle force, warm, reassuring, loving. 

They would figure this out. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have yet to find the Iruka to my Kakashi, so I’m living vicariously through them. 
> 
> I’d like to write a little epilogue, so that’ll be the next chapter, but the story is done!


	4. Poker face

It took them a while to figure it all out, Kakashi’s comfort level, what he was willing to give and take. Through it all Iruka was good, and patient, never pushing, always willing to take whatever Kakashi had to give.   
That is, until Kakashi was named Hokage. 

Taking the hat meant Kakashi was even busier than normal, leaving him less time for Icha Icha, his friends, and most importantly, Iruka.   
About eight months into his tenure as the Rokudaime, Genma could see that Kakashi was struggling. He pulled Gai aside, and together they forged a plan. 

Bi-Weekly poker night.   
This would (hopefully) solve the problem, it would get Kakashi away from the office and the paperwork, and allow him to spend some time with his fellow ninja and some alcohol. And if the always ended early enough for Kakashi and Iruka to get in some alone time, that was nobody’s business but their own. 

Unfortunately, Kakashi was horrendous at poker. Despite the mask, he could not keep poker face. He lost every game they played, and nobody was going to take it easy on the former Sharingan-No- Kakashi.   
So he suffered through each game with grace, just enjoying this time for what it was. He and Iruka almost always sat next to each other, knees and shoulders bumping companionably. Tonight, Iruka could tell that Kakashi had a good hand. There was a gleam in his eyes, a spring in his bouncy knee. He leaned over, and whispered, “Good hand, Kashi?”   
Normally, Kaksahi would indignantly ask how he knew such a thing, surely Iruka was cheating. This time, however, Kakashi pushed himself into Iruka’s personal space and whispered back, “Oh yes, Sensei. I’ve got quite the Ace up my sleeve.”   
Iruka looked at him, confused. “What?” By now, the whole table was looking at them now. 

Kakashi held in his laughter no more. He threw down his cards, he did indeed have a good hand. But there was no ace in his pile. “It’s me,” he declared, glancing around the very confused table. “I’m the Ace up my sleeves.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support and lovely comments!   
I am grateful for you all.   
Stay woke fam.


End file.
